Morning Pages. (1)

And as per everything I start, I hope that my will to begin is as strong as my will to continue.

These past few month have been so heavy that it's rendered me incapable of putting it into words. To find some beautiful articulation of it, that ties it all seamlessly together with a beginning, middle and conclusion with a meaningful lesson attached to it, that would hopefully inspire the reader.

The heaviness of the dictatorships, and the protests and the England flags going up around the town, masked as freedom of speech, and the coldness of the demeanours from people that I would once have regarded as allies. The "treat others how you'd like to be treated' met with the most insignificant of treatments, the "turn the other cheek" to those who have clearly been taught the opposite - can no longer be ignored. I'm questioning God's ability to stand by, as what seems idle, because I'm questioning what his creation has chosen to do with their free will.

How does it seem that the evil are prevailing? And how much more do the victims have to endure without losing hope?

The clock ticks on, and with every second I grow more and more anxious of the outcomes of this planet and the people it houses. Yes, from the loudest rooftop FREE PALESTINE. But little to no word for the people of Sudan. Better yet, no word for the women of Sudan being burned alive. What makes their cause less important and less deserving of news coverage and less deserving of the sympathies of the masses? Less deserving of our charity and our prayers? Is it their woman-ness that makes them less of a cause to keep up with? Or perhaps their black-ness?

It was FREE CONGO against the child enslavement of the minors that mine for the cobalt used to build our Iphones. And it's radio silence against that cause, now that it's Tech-tember and the Iphone 17 had been released. Video after video of people unboxing their shiny new purchase, that has undoubtably left the buyer out of pocket, but has increased the buyer's status amongst the onlookers that pray for an increase in their finances so that they too can part-take in the capitalist genocide.

What does one pray for in a time like this? For others? For one's self? For the bravery to flee ones personal hell? For the finances to be able to flee ones personal hell? Just for the finances? At what point does looking out for the man in the mirror turn selfish, and at what point does begging for world peace turn you mad?

I'm losing hope, if I haven't already lost it completely. And that's the force I'm fighting the hardest against these day. If I lose hope - better yet if WE lose hope, then the bad guys have surely won. So, holding onto the last thread as it may be, but holding firmly on none-the less.

The intention for this week is to up to anti as far as gratitude goes. I have so much to be grateful for and I want to make a point of giving all that energy to notice the micro-est of wins and the tiniest of goods. The small gestures of kindness that are exchanged amongst us and the acknowledgement of the current answered prayer that I thought would never arrive.